I write this, not being in the best of health, but feeling I just need to write. I feel like a "Gharuba", or stranger to the world around me. I also feel that this is a good thing, but that my desire to hold on to the gems of this world hinder me and truly appreciating being a stranger. I wish to seem strange to people, intriguing, enticing, and righteous. I want people to think that what I do is so strange, yet so beautiful, that they want to be a stranger as well.

Islam is a beautiful way of life, it truly is. I will walk away from prayer, feeling as if I had never bathed if I had never bathed in clean water in my life, and I have just now become clean and wholesome. Alas, I am a real procrastinator, I often shrug off my daily prayers, worse yet, I do it knowingly. This perhaps is why I am down a lot lately. I feel dirty and I am washing myself with nothing but filthy water.

I am truly trying to get a grasp on the Sunnah, or the way of the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh). I wish to carry myself in a strong commanding way, but have that air of serenity and godliness around me. I wish to not joke of harmful things or say wicked, foul words. It is a hard task. It is very similar to Christians trying to live the way Jesus(pbuh) prescribes in their Bible. It is not always easy to turn the other cheek, or to love thy neighbor, or even to do more simple things like keep God in our hearts during troubled times, when we are wrought with anger, or during the day when God just seems to not be on the forefront of thought. It is hard being a Stranger to this world.

I haven't written anything in a little while. I am getting much better at becoming an apologetic, or one who defends their faith. I am really learning about what are the things that Atheists, Christians, and anyone really, use to combat Islam. What are the things they bring up? This poses more than just the obvious problem about finding an answer to these questions, but also the sheer number and diversity of the questions. And the really tough ones are those individuals who do know somewhat about Islam, but know so much about what I call "Cultural Islam" or "Saudi Law", which is wrong and misguided.

Those are harder things to refute, because how can I explain Islam in it's true light, when Muslims are not acting upon that light. Beatings of women, rape, and murder?! These are not of Islam! These are of the accursed Satan, and people's own demented and twisted souls.

What I am getting at, is I am coming to find out that, the ratio of people who are opened minded, but have the wrong idea of Islam, versus people who are opposed to anything Islamic and will argue with a brick wall with their hatred, is very large. I would say that most people know that CNN and FOX do not give them the whole picture, and that their own pulpit preaches wrong about their cousins in faith. These are the people I want to reach out to, and to cure the ignorance and misguided thoughts. And I am glad most of them will listen and ponder. The Quran tells us "The best form of worship is the pursuit of knowledge." I want to share with them something that has made me happy, and has instilled a drive to love my fellow man, and strive for righteousness, and to praise and thank God. I feel as if, the world has only ever seen gray, and I have seen Color! Glorious color, and I wish to share it with the world.

But how do you share the light with those who are so blind...