Why can I not take things at a normal pace? Whats so God awfully wrong about me that i cant seem to get it right.

Ok, let me back up. Whats my problem? ok here it goes..(names altered)

Ever since the 7th grade, Ive always been someone who didnt just want to "date" someone. Case in point, take Black Rose. I believed at the time, that I loved her (of course i dont know now if i truly did or not) but being so young at the time, i didnt know. She was the first girl i really ever liked, and she even liked me, somewhat, back. I chased after Black Rose for 4 years, yeah, tell me about it. I wasnt a stalker, i didnt follow her around, or call her all the time, or kept tabs on her, i just waited...and waited. I saw her go through so many terrible guys it was infuriating.

Where am I going with this? ok..
My point is, is that even at the stupid, tender age of 12, i wanted my life already said and done. I wanted a girl that was going to be with me forever. I simply did not, and could not understand the dating game back then, nor do i truly get it now. Back then, it made me so $*%&!(# mad that guys and girls only dated a few weeks, or even a few DAYS! What the hell was wrong with them? I still have this mindset...

So whats the problem? Youre not really explaining yourself.
Hold on, Im getting to it.

So since then, sadly, i have seemed to want to rush every relationship Ive been in, and for alot of the cases, this is why the relationships ended. Sasha, The Basketball Chic, Blondie, all of them and so many more..

All I really want, in this life, is to have a girl, who wants to be with me, as much as I want to be with them.

I thought i found this person when i fell in love with Zerstorer. And even as wonderful that whole escapade was, it still didnt last, and my dreams were shattered. I was even ready to propose somwhat, within the next year atleast. But of course, we had about 2 years of a great friendship under our belts, to go along with the time that we dated. But yet, i still wanted to rush it, I still wanted things to be all said and done so i wouldnt have to worry, so "I" wouldnt have to worry.

See that I put quotation marks on the I? Thats to signify that Im such a selfish bastard.

I realized last night that, alot of the time, my mind doesnt even think of what the other person wants.. Its what I want.

And I HATE that...

And its especially hard to distinguish when what I want is what THEY want (ie being happy)

I rush too fast, i want my life over already, and i dont mean i want to die.
And now, being with, who could possibly be "the one", what Am I to do. She gets angry that Im rushing things so quickly, and she is moving within a year!

what am I to do? I dont want her to leave, thats my selfishness talking, but what if she DOES want to leave. Am I to go with her, am I to just forget her? What to do...

I love her, yeah, i know, Im a one note guy, and yeah, i may say that alot... but over all the people ive dated, or WANTED to date, the few that i can say i truly loved are far and few between...

I just want her to know, that Im always going to be here, and Im sorry that Im so serious all the damn time... I want this to last....

Ive been ready for a life long commitment since the day I started liking the opposite sex, thats the bases of what Im getting across. Everything else, is just filler.

I just hope i dont turn you away... And I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy..