So, yeah. Life is at a barrier in my life. Its at a threshold and I dont know if I can hold it back much longer. My Life...Is truly beginning.. And I am scared..

scared that i will fuck it all up, that i will make all whom love me, ashamed of my existance.

My Faith is a whole 'nother thing entirely. During my daily prayers, I ask for a single sign, a nudge.

I put three things in front of me during this. 1) a Bible (my grandmothers to be exact) 2)a Quran my Uncle gave me, 3) a yarmulke Loren Safdie gave me

these three things represent not only the only three faiths that i have come to find as anywhere right, the items themselves have a tie to me, so they arent just "things".

So far.. A butterfly has landed on the Quran, ants seemed to consume the bible (but nothing else), The Quran blew open to Surah 1 (chapter one) and the Yarmulke blew away in the wind..

I dont know what those things mean, if anything...

Then My love life.

I miss ..Eh..HER.... I hate that I miss her. I dont WANT to miss her. I want to HATE her... but i cant, nor do i think its appropriate to feel that way..

and I can barely trust the girl whom Im with currently. She is amazing, and she really seems to want to make this work... but I dont know

and The Voice is getting worse....

Perhaps there really is Evil on South Main Street...