Ok, im typing this here so that hardly anyone shall read it: The names of people have been changed to meanings that only few understand.

I will never find another one like Zerstörer. That clinginess, the touch, the dominence... nothing will ever come close, and i knew that after it was all said and done. But now... It really hits me how needy i truly am. How much i am untrusting of Sunshine, because I am used to seeing my love everyday. We did everything together, i knew exactly where she was... But with Sunshine, i dont have a clue whats going on. I feel so much for her, perhaps love her... All I know is that i dont trust her... and I want to SOOOO bad, it hurts me (literally hurts me). I cant see her, Im ignored for the better portion of the day, and before i go to sleep, i feel like a part of me has died somewhat.

I never felt any of this with Zerstörer. I loved her, of course i loved her. And she was always there for me, always able to spend her time, with me. That doesnt mean she loved me, it only means that she was just as needy as I was. We couldnt stand to be apart from each other at times, and sometimes, I seemed to be the one that wasnt needy at all.

I miss it..

But thats all over, and I have to move on, but what am I to do when I cant trust any of them. How can i trust someone half an hour's drive away from me, WHO HAS ALREADY #*^%#* CHEATED.... Sorry... that really gets me... But if it wasnt for fear, none of that would have happened...right?
right?

perhaps..I dont know anymore. I just want to not be alone...I NEED someone.

What does that mean, to NEED someone?

It means that its unhealthy to NOT have someone. It means that times get so unbearable that without that special someone, you KNOW you wont wake up..

..you WONT wake up..

Im surprised I wake up some mornings..

.....I miss my sunshine :(